Wednesday, July 16, 2008

In a froth about a cure for malaria

One is fortunate in the Bhisho Legislature to have the services of medical practitioner Dr Bevan Goqwana available in cases of emergency, although much of the time he would probably need to be an expert in sleeping sickness more than anything else.

I had recent cause to consult him about the serious side-effects of Castle Lager that had after a great many years of merry and enthusiastic imbibing caused gout, a decidedly fiendish affliction that concentrates its efforts on the big toe, a digit that must surely be one of the most inoffensive.

A change to Windhoek ended the gout problem but had a disastrous side-effect as for all the years that Castle had slipped effortlessly down my throat I had not been bitten by a single mosquito. Copious quantities of Windhoek however have turned me into a veritable treasure trove for mosquitoes.

The good doctor explained quite simply that Castle made the blood acidic and therefore not frightfully palatable to mosquitoes while Windhoek made it sweeter and attracted them in their hoards.

What I could not get him to comment on was whether I had inadvertently discovered a preventative medicine for malaria thereby putting a damper on my vision of breweries trucks delivering cases with a prescription attached stating “take one every two hours or when necessary”.

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