On lager and leadership ...

There may yet be more to the link between beer and malaria and we will have to consult the good doctor when the Bhisho Legislature meets in a week’s time for, among other things, one presumes the swearing in of the successor to Nosimo Balindlela as Premier of the Eastern Cape.

It is hardly the kind of job one would imagine there would be a scrum for but the pay is good and you get a chauffeur driven car and go overseas on trips that you promise the electorate you will tell them the importance of but never do – at least that’s what the general trend has been over the past four years.

But back to beer with colleague Keith Bell who spent some time in Nigeria saying that the locals consume a beverage called Star that they swear by as the means to prevent malaria. Bell, scorning the local brew opted for Heineken and contracted malaria three times!

Perhaps the next step is to import some Star and analyse it along with Castle to see whether the contents are similar. Perhaps a more simple way would be to import the brew, consume reasonable quantities of it and camp near a swamp to see if one is bitten by mosquitoes.

In a froth about a cure for malaria

One is fortunate in the Bhisho Legislature to have the services of medical practitioner Dr Bevan Goqwana available in cases of emergency, although much of the time he would probably need to be an expert in sleeping sickness more than anything else.

I had recent cause to consult him about the serious side-effects of Castle Lager that had after a great many years of merry and enthusiastic imbibing caused gout, a decidedly fiendish affliction that concentrates its efforts on the big toe, a digit that must surely be one of the most inoffensive.

A change to Windhoek ended the gout problem but had a disastrous side-effect as for all the years that Castle had slipped effortlessly down my throat I had not been bitten by a single mosquito. Copious quantities of Windhoek however have turned me into a veritable treasure trove for mosquitoes.

The good doctor explained quite simply that Castle made the blood acidic and therefore not frightfully palatable to mosquitoes while Windhoek made it sweeter and attracted them in their hoards.

What I could not get him to comment on was whether I had inadvertently discovered a preventative medicine for malaria thereby putting a damper on my vision of breweries trucks delivering cases with a prescription attached stating “take one every two hours or when necessary”.